ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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