Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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