idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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