Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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