While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
