I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
