Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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