i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
