my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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