Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
