i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't notice because vodka
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
