i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
