so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
