i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He has the fingertips of a God
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