dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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