Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
