Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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