his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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