dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
