Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
