How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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