I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
