Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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