I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
