You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
