This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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