i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
