Umm I'm too high to move.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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