I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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