Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
