Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
