they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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