i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
