thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
