i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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