Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
