So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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