allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
