I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
