we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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