Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was confusing and full of hummus
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
