Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
