she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize