I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
