my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
