it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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