I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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