I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
