I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
