I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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