I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
