Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
