so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
