it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
