I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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