You work out of a Hotel?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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