You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
