I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
