the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
