guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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