Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And then he peed in my hair
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
