i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
