just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
