whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
