Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
