she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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