Nicole vs. Life
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize