I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
