so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
