If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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