I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
