Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize