he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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