You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
